03-02-2007, 08:06 PM
Inspired by Vyse, i'll be posting 3 diffrent stories I wrote when at an old message bored I use to go to. A minor description of each:
1: Diabetic Trix Rabbit: Incomplete, mostly because I never really felt like typing the ending out, even though I knew how it was supposed to end. Seems a bit depressing, which it wasn't supposed to come off as.
2: Maury Povich: WWE Style: Going back to the whole Matt Hardy/Edge/Lita/Kane storyline from a few years ago on WWE television. I've been told it's good even without knowing every little thing about the storylines of the times.
3: Battle Royale: NEO style. Again something that you may need to know the whole story to get, but i've been told that it was probably the best i've done, even without knowing exactly who everyone was. The story involves old posters from my old message board, so some jokes will fly right over everyones head.
Well, get ready to read.
A day in the life of the Diabetic Trix Rabbit
There is a tree in a forest. This tree has a little door,window,and a mailbox that reads "T.R.". Inside we see the usually parts of a house. A Tv, chair, lamp, table, a small kitchen, a bathroom, and a bed. In the bed lays a small lump under a blanket. Two long ears stick out from the top of the lump. Soon, an alarm clock on the talbe next to the bed goes off.
The lump throws off his blanket, gets up, and turns off the alarm. The lump is revealed to be the Trix Rabbit.
Trix Rabbit: Dammit. I set the alarm on my fucking day off.
He gets up and walks to the fridge. He pulls out a box of assorted chocolates. When he opens it, he just sees' an empty box and a note:
"Honey, I know you wanted your privacy, and that your 30 years old, but I still know what's best. Don't try to sneak sugar behind my back. Remember, your mother ALWAYS knows what your doing.
He then spits on the paper and crumbles the paper. Before he throws it away, he notices another part of the note:
"P.S. Don't forget your Insulin!"
The Trix Rabbit, from years and years of being forced to eat cheap King Vitamen rip-offs, had developed Diabetes. Course, his dad being addicted to Quisp didn't help either. His dad killed him slef when Quisp was taken off the market. Unfortunatly, he wasn't alive to see it's resurrgance a few years ago.
If you haven't guessed, being unable to eat Trix cause of the bastard children was worse enough, but the diabetes sure didn't help either.
TR: Hell, long as i'm up, may as well go and meet up with Lucky.
Lucky was the Leperchaun from the Lucky Charms commercials. He was the TR's best friend, and they almost always met up at the local pub, Beanies.
TR: Well, this day started off like shit...I gotta get out of here.
Suddenly, the phone rings.
TR: Fuck, i'll just let the machine get it.
After a few rings, the machine picks it up right as TR is half way through the door.
Machine: Honey, this is your mother...
Machine: I know your still there. Believe me, a mother knows.
TR: Screw this....(he goes to walk out)
Machine: YOU GET YOUR ASS BACK IN THIS HOUSE THIS INSTANT!
TR: How does she fucking do that?
Mahine: Cause i'm your mother.
TR: Am I actually so predictable that she can have a conversation with me without me being there?
Machine: And yes, I can have a full conversation without you being there. Now pick up.
TR: (Picks up the phone) Yes?
Mother: See, I knew it. I'm always right. You know why?
TR: Is this why you called me?
Mother: YOU KNOW WHY?!
Both together: CAUSE I"M THE MOM!
Mother: Good, now that we have that out of the way, remember to take your insulin dear.
TR: Yes mother....dearest
Mother: What was that?
TR: (quickly) Nothing mom! Nothing at all!
Mother: Good. I'll call you at 4:13PM. I know you'll be home.
TR: How do you know that?
Mother: Didn't we already have this conversation?
TR hangs up the phone. He eats a little, takes his insulin, and walks out the door.
TR: This day's just got to get better...
See you Trix Rabbit...
TR walks out the door, and starts walking to Beanies. His car is still in out for repairs, after a massive 1-car pile up between him and all his garage shelves collapsing at the same time.
TR: I hate walking.
Soon, he arrives at Beanies, and meets up with Lucky.
Lucky: Ay, how ya been buddy?
TR: Shitty. My moms still on my damn case, my cars still in the shop, and I set my alarm on my off day.
Lucky: Oh, I was wondering why you'd be here before noon.
Lucky: Hey barkeep, two beers for me and my depreesed buddy here?
TR: I swear man, I don't know what i'm gonna do. I mean, i've always been slightly suicidal about the whole not-being-able-to-get-Trix thing, but i'm leaning closer. If it wasn't for last Christmas, you'd be drinking by your self right now.
Lucky: Aye Trixy, don't get so down. You've still got a good life. All those years of doing commercials has got you set for life. I mean, it's better than me. I mean, you got a challenge with selling pure fruit. Me, I've got marshmallows! Where's the damn challenge there?
Shut the fuck up.
YOu've got noting to do. Every few months, you introduce a new marshmallow or some new "coating" on the cereal.
Lucky: Exactly, it doesn't feel right.
TR: You know what doesn't feel right, selling out your own cereal. Remember when I had the little fruit dots? Those corporate bastards told me that it would sell more if the cerel changed to fruit shapes. I went for the money man. It killed me on the inside man.
And I SILL CAN'T EAT THE SHIT!
Bartender: Excuse me , I know it's none of my business...
Bartender: But maybe next time you actually get a damn box, you could, you know, stick your tounge in the box in stead of being in a fucking trance.
TR: I can't help it man. When I trick those kids, and when I get the cereal close to me, I just go crazy.
Bartender: Well,if it's the kids, why not just go to Giant Eagle and buy a box?
TR: Why the hell didn't you think of that?
Lucky: Me? It's your damn life!
TR: That's it, i'm going to Giant Eagle and i'm gonna buy my self a damn box of Trix.
Lucky: There's a lad.
Bartender: Um, ok. YOu gonna pay for that drink?
TR: Hell no!
Lucky: Well thanks, ya asshole...
But Lucky didn't hear, he was already out the door. Lucky continued drinking, cause hey, it was there anyway.
See You Trix Rabbit
03-02-2007, 08:14 PM
Maury Povich: WWE Style:
Maury: Welcome to the Maury Povich show! I'm Maury Povich, And today, we have a special show called "i'm pregnant, but I don't know who the daddy is". This is our record 100th episode dealing with this. Today were talking to Lita. Now Lita, what seems to be your problem?
Lita: Well Maury, I have a 3-month old daughter named avacado,but I'm not sure who the father is.
Maury: Well, who could it be?
Lita: Well, my boyfriend...
Maury: It's says here your boyfriends name is Matt?
Lita: Yeah, anyway, he thinks he's the father, and were engaged.
Maury: Does he know that he may not be the father?
Lita: Well no... That's why I brought him here. To make sure.
Maury: Well, lets bring him out..Matt!
Matt Hardy walks out onto the stage, and is welcomed by cheers. His theme song blares as he does his usuall mannerisms, then sits down, pulling his chair next to Lita.
Maury: Uh...Howdy back Matt. Now Matt, how did you find out lil' Avacado may not be your child?
Maury: You know, the reason your here?
Matt: THAT's why you brought me here. I thought this was one of those "I was a loser, but now i'm your new god" type of shows?
Lita: Heh, yeah. I kinda sorta just said that to get you to come.
Matt: Is that why they stuck a Q-Tip in my mouth?
Maury: Well, that's how we get your DNA.
Matt: Shucks Lita, how could you this to me? Who else have you been *bleep*ing? Huh?
Maury: Now Matt, calm down...
Matt: Shut the *bleep* up Maury!
Maury: (Ignoring Matt) Well, Lita, who else could the father be?
Lita: Uh... There's Kane...
Maury: Ok, well before the show, Kane had something to say to you. Lets watch.
The tv screen behind them shows Kane walking down the street in his wrestling gear.
Kane: Lita, I KNOW i'm not the father of your baby. Remember? I was in a fire when I was 10, and it burned my dick off! That "favor" was bull*bleep* and you know it!. I'll prove i'm not the babys daddy! *Kane then kicks the camera guy in the gut and tomdstones him* See, i'm EVIL!
Maury: Well, very powerful words. Lets bring him out.
Kane walks out to a chorus of boos.
Kane: Bah! You don't know me! You don't know me! What ever! (Kane takes a chair and moves it away from Matt and Lita.)
Maury: Now Kane, how are you sure that your not this father child?
Kane: Look at me, Maury! I'm a disfigured freak!who the hell is gonna do me? About a year ago, I asked Lita for a small favor...
Maury: Was the favor sexual?
Kane just stares blankly at Maury.
Kane: What the F*bleep*UCK do you think!
Maury: Well, then how are you SURE your not the father?
Kane: She's a lying slut! That's why!
Matt gets up angrly and says: Hey, you can't talk to he that way! She's not a lying slut.
Kane: But she lied about being sure you were the father, and she *Bleep*
Matt: Guess you got a point.
Maury: Kane, what I have here in this envelope is thae paternity test you took. Do you want to see what it says?
Kane: Hells yeah!
Maury:.... Ok, heres the results. Kane, in the case of Lita's daughter Avacado.... you are NOT the father!
Kane and Matt get up and celebrate. Kane walks over to Lita.
Kane: ( screaming) See, you *Bleep* *bleep* *bleep* I'm not that babys daddy.
Matt: Hey, leave her alone!
Matt jumps on Kanes back as Lita cringes in her seat in horror. Not at the fight, but at the little red thing dancing on Maurys head that only she could see.
Maury: People! People! Please. Be civlised! God. Kane, are you happy now.
Kane tosses Matt off his back, into a chair.
Kane: Yeah, now I can go back home. Bye you *bleep*
Matt gets up again, but Maury holds her down. Lita looks sad.
Maury: Lita? What are you still moping about? Kanes not the father. That must mean Matt is. Right?
Lita: Well, that's the next part. Matt?
Lita: There's still someone else that may be the father.
*audience groans and ohhs*
Matt: Well, who the hell who?
Lita: It's...... It's.....
Matt: *bleep**bleep**bleep* Eugene?! That *bleep* re*bleep*! Why?
Lita: I.... I.... Eugene was just sitting in the locker room one night. He looked so cute and harmless. The way he was sitting upside down in his locker. It just...I don't know...turned me on. I mean, we had just broken up. I didn't know what to do. So I invited him for a drink. One thing led to another....
Matt is sighing into his hands, as his head is drooped past his knees.
Lita: What'd you mean why?! We were broken up. You embarresed me! I need someone. I can't be alone, Matt. You know that....
Matt: Just shut up....(Matt gets up and walks off the stage)
Maury gets up and walks backstage to Matt.
Matt face-first is against a wall, with his right arm on his forehead.
Maury: Matt, theres a chance that Eugene may not even be the father. Look, we already gave him a test.
Matt starts to walk away.
Maury: Hey, Matt. Matt. Stop! Look, lets get back on-stage. We'll bring him out. Then we can see if he's the father.
Matt mutters something that sounds like"I don't wanna see..."
Maury: ok? C'mon...
Maury leads Matt back on stage. The crowd applauds Matt as he walks on. Matt pulls his chair away from Lita, who starts tearing.
Maury: Lita. Were gonna bring out Eugene, ok?
Lita: (meekly) yeah...
Maury: Matt, promise me you won't attack Eugene when he comes out, ok?
Matt just flips Maury off.
Maury:.....Ok, now remember, Eugene is "special", so please give warm welcome to Eugene.
Eugene walks out, waving at the crowd and smiling. The crowd gives him a standing ovation. He walks over and gives Maury and Lita hugs. He goes to hug Matt, but Matt just pushs him down. The crowd boos. Matt gets up and picks out someone from the crowd and starts yelling at them, but is held back by a security guard.
Maury: Well hello Eugene!
Eugene: You're MARY POPOVICH!!! I love your show!
Maury: Well thank you....
Eugene: LITA! LITA! HI!!
Eugene goes to hug Lita, but Maury pulls him down.
Maury: Eugene...Eu....Eugene...Damn it sit-down!
Eugene looks sad.
Maury: Look, i'm sorry. That was mean. Now look, Eugene, do you know why your here?
Eugene: Cause I *bleep* Lita?
The crowd laughs.
Maury: Well, yeah... Eugene, did you know that Lita had a baby?
Eugene: Uh huh.
Maury: Do you know that YOU may be the father?
Maury:.....Well, I have the paternity test results. But first, we actually have two more people that Lita thought could be the father...
Matt: Oh my GOD!! Lita, you *bleep* *bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep*
Maury: And here they are! Here is Jeff Hardy, and a man named UM?
Jeff Hardy runs to the stage, and does a swanton off of a camera right onto the audience. JEff then recites some poetry, then sits down. as Matt just stares in misbelief.
Jeff: YO Maury. What up doog?
Maury: What up...uh homeslice. For shizzle dizzle lizzle Mizzle.
Jeff: Wow, I get what you mean.
Maury: Anyway, Jeff could YOU be the father?
Jeff: Naw. Matt and Lita were all a couple and *bleep*. I wouldn't do that.
Maury: Well, we have a picture of Avacado here.
The screen shows a picture of Jeff, and next to it is Avacado. The crowd starts yelling that he's the father.
Maury: Hey! Now hold on! We have ONE more canidate here. Here he is, UM!
A man walks out. The man is wearing a suit with a large rubber Vince McMahon mask.
UM: (with voice morped) Hello host of show.
Maury: Hi UM. Now, Lita before we start here, is there ANYONE else that could be that father that we don't know about?
Lita puts her head down and starts to think. 10 minutes later...
Maury: Forget it. Here's the results. Now first, Eugene, in the case of you being Avacados father.....you are NOT the father.
Eugene just sits there.
Maury: Ok, you can sit there if you want. Now, for Jeff. Jeff, in the case of you fathering Avacado, you did NOT!
Jeff: I know. We never even *bleep*.
Maury: Lita, why did you bring him here then?
Lita: I though it was him. Guess I was wrong.
Maury's eye twitchs.
Maury: Ok... Now UM, in the case of Avacado... your ARE the father!
Matt: What! You *bleep*
Matt attacks UM, and rips off the mask to reveal....
THE ULTIMATE WARRIOR!
(some time later)
Maury: Well people, it's that time again. More sluts and their baby's daddy dramas. Up first is an update on an old case that came to us about 6 months ago.
I'm sure you remember Lita and Matt. Lita didn't know who the father of her child Avacado. Now, after searching 5 guys, she finally figured out her babys daddy was none other than the Ultimate Warrior!
Yeah! So here's how the 3 are doing.
* a video starts playing on the tv screen*
Lita: Hi Maury. I'm sure you remember me! I just wanted to show you how our little family is doing!
(The Ultimate Warrior is show holding baby Avacado)
Ultimate Warrior: YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA YA!
Lita: Honey, do you remember what I said? That SCARES the baby. It doesn't make it learn the mystic powers of Gimbo, God of plastic.
UW: Vile woman of the low pants type, I shall raise my child as I want. You shall not stand in my way, or face the couch of banishment.
Lita: Uh, yeah. Anyway, Maury, I know your wondering whatever happened to my old fiancee, Matt.
Well, Matt killed him self. Yeah, honestly. Warrior didn't gorrila press slam him out of a car into a rushing river. Nope, he over dosed on Tums until he vomited out his stomach! Honest!
Warrior: Woman! YOUR baby has made a stinky it her pants of foam and velcro! I demand you put the pants in the ktichen machine of washing before I splash you into the 3 stage of hell!
Lita: Coming. Well Maury, i'll see ya later!
* the video ends*
Maury: Wasn't that nice! Well now we go to Brianiaca, who can't decide who the father of her baby is. She has a pretty good idea. She thinks it's one of these men.
* a few months later*
Maury: Hello, I'm Maury Povich, and today we're going to talk to couples who may seem happy, but one of them is hiding a dark secret. Doesn't that sound like fun?!
Our first guests were here almost a year ago. First lets meet Lita!
Lita walks out, looking kinda sad. She sits right down as the audience chants slut repeatedly.
Maury: Now Lita, you wanted to tell something to your fiance, Warrior. Now, can you tell us what that is?
Lita: Well, you see, I found out recently i'm pregnant again.
Maury: Well hey! That's great. Why is that bad?
Lita: Well, i'm not sure the baby is really Warriors or not.
Maury calms down the crowd and continues talking: Wow, you really took it to heart when Trish said your uterus was open for business, didn't you.
Lita: Uh...... I guess.
Maury: Well, Warrior is backstage, but lets bring him out!
*Ultimate Warrior runs out to the stage with full blown music and lazer light show. He jumps around the stage and shakes immaginary rings ropes. He then gorilla press slams some dude in the audience. He then sits down*
Warrior: Greeting Warrior followers! I have come to your show today by the request of my vile pig woman! The only reason I haven't destroyed her for her slut-like ways is because she is the mother Avacado, the future body of Gimbo, god of plastic!
Maury: Uh huh.
Lita: Honey, I have something to tell you.
Warrior: I have something important to hear!
Lita: I'm pregnant.
Lita: Oh god, not this again...
*Warrior starts dancing around the stage and screaming*
Maury: Damn, sit your down!
Warrior: Apologies host of show.
Lita: Honey, there's something else. This baby may not be yours.
Warrior: VILE PIG SCUM. YOU DESERVE TO BE SACRIFICED TO THE UNIVERSE IN A BOTTLE ROCKET WITH THE WORLD "SLUT PIG VOMIT!" WRITTEN ON IT. YOUR PENNACE WILL ARRIVE.!
Lita(very weakly): Sorry.
Maury: Warrior, what are you thinking right now?
Warrior: I'm thinking about roasting this wench over my washing machine as I play my Xbox.
Maury: Well Lita, I should have asked this before, how are you not so sure this baby is not his?
Lita: Well, I haven't exactly been getting enough *bleep* at home, with *bleep*boy over here always *bleep*ing the couch instead of me. So I went and found someone else.
Maury: You're sure this is only ONE, right?
Lita: Um, I THINK so.
Maury: I'm going to regret that emphasis on the word think.
Well Lita, just who could this be?
Lita: Well, there's Edge.....
Maury: Ok, lets bring out Edge.
Edge walks out and sits with Lita. Warrior stands up and runs to Edge. They stare each other down until security runs over and take them down and into there seats.
Maury: Yo Edge.
Edge: Yo? Yo! Whay kind of way is that to greet me?! I don't get no respect anywhere! Do I look like some white trash guy from Taco Bell that impregnates 10 diffrent women? No! I only *bleep* women who are in 5 year relationships with there boyfriends. Get it right!
Maury: Well, i'm sorry. Now Edge, Lita has brought you here to tell you something.
Edge: Yo, whats up?
*Maury gets a pissed off look*
Lita: Well Edge, remember that week we did shows in England?
Edge: Oooooooooooh Yeaaaaaah! *Audience laughs*
Lita: While, i'm pregnant, and-
Edge: I'm gonna be a what!
03-02-2007, 08:38 PM
NEO Battle Royale:
(By the way, if you atleast seen the movie, read the book or the graphic novel, you'll get atleast some of it. I was wary of posting it, but I still like it though so whatever)
First, it's darkness. Then, a spotlight, where a man walks in the light. The man is wearing a suit with a dark blue shirt, and a simple red and blue stripped tie. He has short black hair and tan glasses. He walks up to a pedastal, and motions to the left. A guard flips a switch.
30 men suddenly appear infront of the small stage the man is on. They are all on there knees, with there hands tied behind there back. They also are sportting a white collar with a small red light. The men are just waking up, as if being tranquilized earlier.
Man: I'm sure you're all wondering why you've been gathered here. And of course why you've been tied up.
The crowd gives a small rumble of "yeah"s and "what the fucks going on"s.
Man: You have been captured to take part in a game. Of course, YOU will be the game pieces, and I will be playing, along with the other betters.
The crowd is starting to get up and trying to escape, one man is clobberd by a guard with a rifle.
Man: Please, escaping the room, or the island for the matter, is immpossible. Please sit down, or i'll be forced to have u all killed now, and that just wouldn't be very nice to the betters.
The crowd sits back down, but still pissed.
Man: You will be forced to try to survive on this island. The island called Wali Ken. By the door, are 30 duffel bags. Each filled with a small quanity of water, food, and a weapon to defend your self with.
A young boy walks up, and starts crying at the man.
Boy: But mister, why would we need a weapon? Are we going to have to kill each other?
Man: Shut the fuck up, whiny bitch. *thinks for a second* Ah, you must be the one known as Scott.
Scott: Yeah*sniffs* I make sigs and other pictures with my computer. That way, everyone will like me. I don't want to kill my friends.
Man: Then don't, you'll be killed first, and i'm sure that no one would object to that. Guard, smack this boy!
Another guard walks other and gives Scott a good slap, Scott cries again, then sits down.
Man: Now, if I may get back to the procedings. The only way to win is to be alive. No two men, or teams may be able to win. Only one will survive. You all are wearing collars. These will determine you location, if you take off your collar, it will intiate it's self destruct sequnce, it will then explode, and destroy everything within 30 feet of the collar.
A few men who were fiddling with there collars quickly lower there hands.
Man: Now, the first man, who's name I pick out of this gold plated ball roller will get up and be untied. He then will pick a duffel bag, and leave through the door. He will then explore the island, hoping to be able to survive. Then, the next man aphabetically will go 2 minutes later, then the next man, and so on until all 30 of you have left. The only thing I have left to say is good luck, and the first man to leave.
The man gets the ball roller, and picks out a ball with the initials "NB" on it.
Man: Nick Bruiser.
A darker skinned 21-year old(I think) gets up meekly, and walks to a bag. He then leaves quietly, and nervously.
And thats the end of the introduction. Here's the list off all the 30 people who were captured:
The 30 men:
Bruiser walks out into the dank rain forest of the island. He is unsure of how exactly to be a game "piece", as the mystery man calls him. He finds a small clearing, and uses it to stop and explore his duffel bag. In it is a portion of food, and a few water bottles, and a frying pan. Bruiser, figuring the pan was for cooking, then starts looking for his weapon. After turning the whole bag inside out, he then realizes what his weapon is, the frying pan. A long,loud "FUCK!" is heard as a flock of seagulls fly away.
Prodo id next to leave. He quickly jumps up and runs to his bag. Enthusiastic about his upcoming adventure, he walks out through the door and starts into the forest. As soon as he gets passed the door, he opens his bag to see what his murder weapon would be. He pulls out a millitary grade flamer thrower. Giddy as a school boy, Prodo runs into the forest, looking for his first victim.
In the hour, the other members of the group are told to leave. One of the next few to leave after Prodo is Jedi. After finding a good hiding spot behind the small auditorium where the group is, he explores his bag. Some Cheetos, M&M's, water bottles, and his weapon, a fully working red lightsaber.
Jedi gives a head-cock to the left, wondering how this became a weapon. He turns it on and starts slicing around the air. He gives a smirk and walks toward the beach, hoping for a cave to take shelter in.
The last man to leave the auditoruim is Lox. He gets up quietly and grabs the remaining bag.
Man: Now, go on and put up a good fight. We and the others are bored, and of course are betting. You seem to be very popular. A LOT of money is on your head, Lox. I sure hope you do your best.
Lox flips off the man and leaves. He also walks towards the beach, hopefully to be able to find a way out. He notices Jedi in the cave, and asks what he got.
Jedi: Shit, that guy somehow got a lightsaber . This is some freaky shit going on here.
Lox: Yeah, something ain't right. We need to team up against that fucker and who ever these other "betters" are. Are you with me?
Jedi: Yeah, why not. Cheeto?
Joey is crawling up a small rock face, hoping for a height advantage. After making it up, he searchs into his bag, and pulls out the normal food and water. He then finds a small black ball of energy. Joey, disgusted with his luck, tosses the ball into a tree, where it forms into a spear and slices the tree in half. Joey sprints over and pulls out the spear, which then turns back into the ball. Joey then recognizes it as the energy ball used by Necrid from Soul Caliber II. He puts the ball into his bag, and continues his trek, now with a greatly heightened confidence.
Stu is walking through a dense part of the forest. He has his mind on other things instead of survival. And with good reason. His weapon is an Uzi wtih enough ammo to kill everyone else 3 times over(and you can really only be killed once).
Stu (Thinking):My god, this would make a great movie! I almost wish my weapon was a typewritter, so I could start writing the script. I....
Suddenly, he hears a small rustle through the bushs beside him. He gives the whole bushs a quick apray of bullets, but then the sound stops. He doesn't know if he mad a kill or just wounded the other person. Of if he missed at all. As he turns around, he recieves a swift kick in the gut, met with a rock to the back of the head. He then feels claws ripping his arms and shirt to shreads. He then see's ChrisG slicing up his arms with a pair of Freddy Kruger hands. Stu tries to fight back, but is unable. Eventually, Chris is about to lay a final blow when he is hit with a big bolt of lightning. Stu, ignoring the pain and in shock, picks up his Uzi and injects about 70 bullets into ChrisG's body. Chris falls dead. Stu turns around to see his guardian angel. It's Jason"Kain" Hadley. Stu sticks his hand out fora hand shake, and it is accepted.
Kain: My weapon kicks about 40 kinds of ass!
Kain shows his electric gutair that shoots lightning from the Darkness video. Stu and Kain talk a bit, then walk deeper into the forest.
Bruiser walks around the island, looking around every few seconds. He's not in the perfect mood to kill, and isn't very confident that his frying pan will be a very good weapon. He doesn't want to have to think it, but the only way for him to win is to kill someone for there weapon. He then hears some electric crackling, and a thump. Nick quickly darts for a bush, and sees Justin walking around, zapping the small animals that run around him.
Justin: Mmmm, this squirrel looks to make good food for my family, I shall store it for later usage.
Nick sees Justin open his duffel bag, which is full of asorted birds and other small woodland creatures. Nick knows that Justins tazer may work on smaller things, but not on full humans. He lets Justin go, until he is reminded of his old friend growing up, Nutz the squirrel. Nick, in a fit of rage, attacks the fat man with his pan. Justin is out, but not quite dead. Nick searchs the bag for the squirrel corpse, and soon finds it. Nick pets it a bit, and declares never to let it go. Nick puts the corpse away and walks on, with out taking the tazer.
A huge plasma screen TV is on a wall. Infront of the tv are a group of assorted people, all with a chance for a big money. These are the ones betting on the winner of this contest. The tv shows a shot of Barbie walking around, with a spear. In the corner of the screen, is a leader board, with the top picked leaders. Travis, Lox, and Jobes are the top 3, in respective order. A few seem angry at Justins attacking, but then are told Justin has not died. Peace is restored.
PTMidnite has found a rock, and is comtenplating. He doesn't seem happy with his weapon, a can of silly string. He just thinks about how his life could have been diffrent, if he'd just not gone to that party. That party with the punch that smelled like liquior, but just wasn't green enough to be bad. The next thing he knew, a team of men in red armor took him away, and knocked him out right again with a tranquializer. He knew that drugs weren't the answer, but he just couldn't stop. He wanted to kill himself. No friends, no family, no way. He cursed the silly string can repeatedly. Suddenly, he hears a footsteps. He jumps onto the path, ready for a fight. He then realizes it's his former frenchmen tag partner, Reflecto.
PT: You too? Well, atleast i'll have a friend with me when I die.
Flec: Die? Why would you be thinking about death? C'mon man. With my Tommy Gun, and your weapon, we can make it to the final two.
PT holds up his can of Silly String.
Stef is trying to climb a tree, hoping to get a good glimpse of the island. As she climbs, Jared walks over after seeing a figure in a tree. He is soon staring at Stefs ass, and then starts to talk.
Jared: Hey, whats someone like you climbing a tree by her self for?
Stef: (confused and scared) I need to climb this tree to find my friend.
Jared: Oh, so you know someone else who has been captured.
Stef: (who is now sitting on a branch, searching and talking at the same time)Yes. Two actually. My friend Travis and his brother were captured. I need to find them, to feel safer about this whole thing.
Jared: Well, me and my big stick can help you feel safe.
Jared: My bat. My weapon is a big baseball bat. I call it a stick.
Stef: Oh. Well, I guess I can walk with you for a bit.
Jared: Perfect, i'll help you down.
Jared helps Stef down the tree and they start walking.
Lox and Jedi are sill in the cave.
Lox: So, we try to find a way back into that audotorium, and kill the guy?
Jedi: Yeah, but there is a problem. (Jedi points to his collar) They'll know that were right by the building and most likely kill us before we can do a damn thing.
Lox: Shit, there has to be way....
Suddenly, a cry of a mountain lion is heard. Lox goes out, seemingly anxious.
Jedi: What the fuck are you doing? That's a friggen Mountain Lion!
Lox: I HAVE to see what my sweet gun does.
Lox jumps out of the cave, and sees a mountain lion on top of the rock face above the cave. He taunts it to come down. The Lion makes a huge leap from the cliff to Lox. Lox, thinking the Lion would crawl down, is taken by suprise and shoots his gun while the Lion is in a midair leap. A red lazer beam shoots out and hits the Lion in the jaw. The lazer seems to burn away at he lions skin. The lions skeleton falls to the ground, with the last few bits of flesh being burned away.
Jedi: (coming out of the cave) Dude, what the fuck happend?
Lox: I have the fucking lazer from "Mars Attacks!" I rule!
A man is walking towards a small lake. He attempts to refill a water bottle of his, but it melts almost instantly into the lake. Jobes backs away a bit as he watchs a leaf fall in and meet a simlair fate. Jobes wasn't having that lucky of a day. First, he was smacked in the head hard from a guards rifle, thus creating a huge mark on his head. Then, he found out that his food was rice cakes. Thirdly, his weapon was a bazooka. While a nice, powerfl weapon, not a good choice for the hand-to-hand combat that was sure to come soon. And now, he's lost a water bottle to the acidic lake.
Jobes: Most men would give up, but not me. I'm the fricken sexy beast! I can WIN this. I just have to keep saying that. If anyman wants to fight me, I can blow them away with my friggen bazooka! I will win. It's offcial, they may as well have just all bet on me to win, cause it's only a matter of time.
Jobes then trips on a log as he's walking and talking, and falls face first into a pricker bush.
Jobes: I can win this...I can do this. I just need to start being more careful.
Jobes gets up, then drops his food into the lake, which burns quickly.
Jobes: Oh fuck me!
A small child is seen playing with action figures on the floor. He looks to be around 8-9 years old. Suddenly, the front door open, and a man in red armor walks in.
The child runs up and hugs his father leg. The man drops his bag and crouchs down to hug his son. He ruffs up his sons hair a bit, then speaks.
Man: Son, I'm not going to be here for very long, but I just HAD to be here for your birthday. You know I love you. You love me too, right?
Child: (jumping around) Wadja'bringme! Wadja'bringme!
The man sighs, shakes his head, and reachs in his bag and pulls out a box wrapped in a simple blue paper. As the kid rips open the paper, a woman in her mid thirties walks into the room. The man,who is elated to see her, walks over.
Women: So, your finally back.
Man: Not for long, i'm afraid. I can only be here for 4 hours, then it's back to work.
The women grabs the man and pulls him into the kitchen.
Women: God dammit Warren! I've been waiting for SO long for you to get a normal job. You have a frikken PH.d! Go get a job where you can live your life. See your kid. Aram misses you. He tells me stories. Stories about your life. He thinks your an astronaut Warren. A GOD DAMN ASTRONAUT! Ever since you went to this island, this whole house has gone down.
Warren tries to hug his wife, but she pushs him away.
Women: NO! Don't try to console me. I'm allowed to be angry sometimes!(Choking up) You need to be here. For me. And if not for me, do it for Aram. Go see your boy. Tell him you love him. Then go, cause you may never see him again!
Warren: But, I'm coming back soon.
Women: It doesn't matter!( her face is beet red, and she can barely speak now) I'm leaving! I'm taking the boy away from this place. I thought living on the islands would be fun. We needed to move for your job. Everything was about you. I lost my friends, and my job. You ruined me. Now, I have to go back home. To reconstruct the shambles of my so called life. GO! I don't want to see your face anymore!
Warren is enraged and saddend at the same time. He wants to strangle his wife, but then he wants to hug her. He can't see Aram anymore. What can he do. Warren grabs a bottle of Guinness, chugs it, and watchs his son.
His son just sitting there innocently. Throwing around the ticking hand grenade. Never knowing how his father loved him, how he wished for a better life for him. How he....
A TICKING HAND GRENADE?!
Warren quickly runs over to Aram and tackles him down. He then grabs the grenade and tosses it out the window. An explosion is heared, as the whole house shakes. The women runs in to see Warren protecting Aram. Warrens armor succesfully absorbed the shock of the blast, and the bits of glass from the window.
Women: Are you hurt?
Warren starts to say he was fine, but she shoves him down and grabs Aram.
Women: It's settled. Were leaving NOW!
Warren just sits there, staring at the car drive off. Warren starts thinking, then says a few words as he looks out the window.
Warren: Hey, the bitch stole my car!
A thought then crossed Warrens mind. If his son had received a hand grenade, who got the Metal Slinky?
Scott stares at his bag. He had a bag of microwaveable popcorn(unpopped), water, and a Metal Slinky. Scott couldn't believe not only he'd gotten a Slinky, but how it could be considered a weapon at all. He gets up from his spot, and just walks down the path. He was enraged at himself being embarresed. He swears revenge on the mysterious man.
Scott: I swear revenge on that mysterious man!
Suddenly, he notices another man taking a leak on a nearby tree. Scott hides behind a bush, wondering if he could take this guy out.
Scott: Stephentology is taking a piss, and I have a slinky. He's gotta have a better weapon than me. He's just gotta.
Scott straightens out the Metal Slinky, but it just keeps falling flat.
Scott: Mabye if I flatten it out, I can strangle him with it.
Scott goes for one end, but then starts playing with it, getting lost in the slinkys trance. Stepthen has by this time stopped pissing, and walked over towards the voice in the bush. Stephen, who was given a small iron sheild, stands out the tranced out Scott, ready to strike, but then suddenly his stomach gurgles loudly, and he jumps back to his original tree.
Stephen: Damn these Frosted Bran Squares!
Stephen takes care of other business by the tree, as Scott gets up, and sees the sheild on the ground. Happy he doesn't have to murder(nor could he anyway), he takes the sheild and runs off. Stephen yells at Scott, but the massive diareahea from his food prevents movement.
A staple gun is smashed against a tree. AM is seen angrily kicking the ground, disgusted at his weapon.
AM: How dare I be disrespected! A staple gun should have gone to some other lowly poster, like Heartburn. Ha, Heartburn Kid. The name's novelty lasted 10 minutes, then died. Get over it! Ha, i'm so witty when no'ones around.
Suddenly, a crowbar is wrapped about AM's neck as he is taken to the ground.
Heartburn: Oh, I'M around!
AM looks up, suprised at Heartburns appearance. AM starts to wonder about how he was found and captured. He has little time to think, however, as a crowbar is repeatedly hit around his head. AM then gets up and grabs Heartburns arm. AM slaps Heartburn a few times, then is taken back with a hard crowbar shot to the arm.
AM: Stop dammit! Don't you see. This is what they want?
HBK: I know what they want. But, this is what I want!
Heartburn takes another swing, as AM moves. AM then realizes that he has to kill HBK to survive. AM was starting to wish he never destroyed his only weapon. He then ducked under HBK's legs, and grabbed for his duffel bag. He swung the bag, and HBK stuck the crowbar into the bag. AM's plan worked. The crowbar was stuck in the bag, thus making HBK vulnerable. AM starts giving Heartburn hard shots to the face. Heartburn tries to swing the bag topped Crowbar, but AM is easily able to knock it away. AM shoves HBK back, and HBK trips and falls suddenly over the unconcious body of Justin. Smelly corspe bag still intact. AM spots the tazer and quickly capitalizes, striking Heartburn in the chest with electricity. Heartburn then feels like he's going to throw up, but doesn't.
HBK: shut the fuck up!
HBK quickly takes off the bag and swings it again at AM. AM blocks it with the Tazer. A few more minutes of fighting continues, until Heartburn starts to tire. AM then takes the advantage by splashing water from his water bottle on HBK. He then quickly tazers HBK in the chest again, giving Heartbun a HUGE blast of electricity. The voltage kills him, as he falls flast on his face on the forest floor. AM picks up his bag, and stuffs it with Heartburns supplies, plus his crowbar. AM walks off, looking for shelter.
Relfecto and his former French-Canadian tag partner, PTMidnite, are walking down a heavily trodden path.
Reflecto: You need to relax man. We can make this. So what if you have a can of Silly String as your weapon. You're PTMidnite. You can easily find a way to make that can into a friggen Atom Bomb. Not that it would be very helpful to us, but you can do it.
PT: Shut up. I'm not exactly all that good anymore. You still think i'm the happy French-Candian. You have to reailze it's over man. I changed. Drugs can mess you up. It's over. I'm glad they got me. I deserve to die.
Flec: Don't talk like that man. Don't give up on me. *sniffs* Smell that?
Flec: It's food!
PT: That's just the ttuna from my bag.
Flec: No no, shut up and take a whiff.
Both now smell.
PT: Is that, BBQ?
Flec: I think so!
PT: Alright. Lets fucking eat!
They follow the smell into a residence area.
Flec: Shit yeah! We found a village. There just has to be better supplies here.
PT: Screw supplies, I smell fish on a grill. *sniffs( Oh wait, thats the tuna again.
Flec: Theres a deli down the street, lets try for some better food.
PT: But what if they charge, were dirt poor.
Flec: I'm pretty sure this whole place is deserted. And besides, i've got the gun!
PT: *sighs* lead the way.
Stef and Jared are walking in the forest. Jared is talking about his life, and trying to get to know Stef better. Stef is still occupied on finding her friends, Travis and Colton.
Jared: Penny for your thoughts, Steffy.
Stef: Uh... I'm still worried about my friends, and I believe your walkin a bit to close to me again. Remeber the talk we had on PERSONAL SPACE?
Jared: Oh, sorry.
Stef: And what's the deal with you asking me that every few minutes. Are you like attracted to me or something.
Jared: Oh god only knows.... I mean offcourse not. I mean, you ARE pretty, but not my type.
Stef: Oh(Stef is relieved that Jared isn't hitting on her, he not exactly being the most handsome thing on the island)
Jared: I'll be quiet for now.
Stef: Ok, but you still owe me $.27.
Jared: twenty-seven cents? How.
Stef: You've asked "Penny-for-your-thoughts" 27 times, so you owe me 27 cents.
Stef: Oh Forget it!
Stef hears a noise, then another. There two voices, bickering.
Jedi: Damn it, we can't just go and attack the base dumbass. They'll kill us as quickly as we open the door.
Lox: C'mon man, wheres your sense of adventure? Don't you want to see this asshole get his nuts rippsed out by a lightsaber?
Jedi: Well, of course I do, it's just...
Lox: Well lets go!
Jedi: Wait! Whats that up in the mountains?
Jedi has seen Stef and Jared crouched down on the mountain top.
Stef: Damn, we've been spotted! C'mon Jared, we have too.... WHAT THE FORK ARE YOU DOING?
Jared has taken off his shirt and moved closer to Stef now, puckering up.
Stef: You pervert, I knew you were attracted to me!
Jared gets up and lunges at Stef. Stef sidesteps Jared, and he slips and falls down the mountain, with his large baseball bat in hand. Stef tries to reach for Jared, but she falls too. They both land a few yards from Lox and Jedi.
Lox: Ah hah, target practice!
Jedi: What, you just can't go around shooting a girl.
Lox: Why not?
Jedi: Why not? It's a FEMALE!
Lox: God, are people still talking like that?
Jedi: I guess.
Jared: So, tried to pull a fast one on Stef, eh? Well, I shall defend your honor! Draw your weapon! Stef, go run up the hill, this is a MANs job!
Stef just shrugs and starts climbing up the mountain. Lox shoots a few lazers at her, but Jedi stops Lox.
Jedi: You trigger happy asshole!
Jared lunges his bat at Jedi. Jedi jumps and pulls out his lightsaber and starts to swing it around.
Jared: Light tricks don't fool me. C'mon Jedi, you can have first shot!
Jedi slices the bat in half. As Jared stares at the cut bat, he is quickly decapitated from Jedi. Lox cheers on Jedi as Jareds headless body falls to the ground.
Lox: Now can I use the lazer?
Jedi: What the fuck do I care?
Lox proceeds to shoot the corpse, and watch it quickly burns away from the lazer.
Lox: that is so fucking cool!
Stef watchs the whole ordeal from a small rock face. After a quick tear, she climbs back up and continues her search.
Trollface has just heard a sound. He starts walking backwards. His weapon, an Austrailian boomerang, wasn't the most leathal thing he could have. Wanting to see everything around him, he quickly turns around, then back as walking.
Guv'nor has also heard a sound. He shoots an arrow from his general class bow and arrow set. It flies off into the forest, and eventully whacks a tree. He decides to walk backwards as well.
Trollface suddenly bumps into a tree. He quickly turns and readys his boomerang.
Guv'nor runs into a tree. He screams a bit and turns and readys his weapon.
Trolly: Well shit. Looks like were both in this together.
Trolly: So, are you playing?
Guv: Playing what?
Trolly: What? The game. This game. The killing game! Are you playing?
Guv: Do I have a choice? I mean, of course I don't.
Trolly: So, your playing?
Guv: I have to, man.
Trolly: Hey Guv.
Trolly suddenly swings his boomerang at Guv, who ducks it just in time, cutting off a few hairs from the top of his head. Guv kicks at Trollys legs, tries to trip him up. Trolly jumps up and behind Guv, and gives him a hard chop to the neck before Guv can fully move. Guv goes down, and drops his bow. Trolly reachs for it, but Guv grabs it and takes it quickly. Guv reachs for an arrow, and readys the weapon. Suddenly, a foot comes and knocks the arrow out of the bow. Guv gets up and attempts to punch the man, but the man just blocks it and kicks Guv in the gut, and pushs him away. Trolly starts to attack, then seems to stop when he recognizes the man.
Barbie: Mmmmm Yes!
Trolly: You're here. This is great. Now we can make a Brit alliance to win this thing.
Guv: You can't trust him! He'll just stab you in the back!
Barbie: You have my word, I will not stab you in the back.
Guv'nor contemplates the invitation, then sticks out his hand.
Guv: Alright. We team up, for now.
Trolly: Yes, an alliance to take over the system.
Barbie: 3 Liv Kru: British Invasion!
"Skeet! Skeet! Skeet! Skeet!"
Prodo repeats this mantra as he uses his flamethrower to burn down trees in the forest. His eyes gone crazy with power. He soon grows tired of the trees, and searchs for a victim. But who?
Prodoprez: Prodo has strangely not found a man to use his weapon on. Prodo shall find this man, and burn him down to the ground. Prodo shall continue to talk in third-person.
A small sound of brush moving alerts Prodo. He see's Shiori Coybito walking around with an Icepick. Prodo slowly enters the small clearing that Shiori is walking in. He breaks a twig. Shiori quickly jumps backwards and turns at Prodo. Prodo quickly turns on his flame thrower.
Shiori: AHHHHHHHHH!!! I'm fucking burning!
Prodo: Ah hah, Prodo has taken his first victim.
Prodo walks away slowly, chuckling. Shiori quickly grabbs a water bottle from his duffel bag and takes out the flame on his shirt. He quickly attacks the laughing Prodo and stabs him with the ice pick. Prodo grabs his shoulder wound, and drops his supplies. Shiori almost goes for them, but the notices Prodo still has a good grip on the flame thrower. He chooses to run. Prodo slowly gets up and walks away, now curisng instead of laughing.
Reflecto and PTMidnite are sitting the back room of a small deli/restraunt in the village.
Flec: I can't believe this! We find a perfect place for food, and it's been almost all cleaned out. The only thing left is the few fruit salads.
PT: This sucks. Tuna?
Flec: Naw, I hate fish.
Flec then spots a door. He walks up and opens the door. He sees steps leading to a basement.
Flec: Hey, lets go check this out man.
PT: Nah. i'll just stay here.
As Reflecto leaves, PT pulls out his silly string. He slowly starts to pull of the cap and sniff the top. His mind starts filling with images. First there happy, then they turn to images of red ponies crashing into brick walls, then falling into small fires around the ground. He sees a huge grandfather clock. He then sees a duck fly out of the clock. Then, he heres a voice" Hello? Is anyone here? Hello? I'm quite hungry and demand service for my family?"
PT gets up and walks back to the main part of the deli. Justin is standing patiently, asking for service.
Justin: Ah, good. I would like some of this ambrosia for my family. They need nourishment.
PT: (slightly delirious) Hey man, you don't got no family. Why you talkin' all funny. You on drugs or something.
Justin: No, I need supplies for my family. Now if you could please give me a pound of Ambrosia, i'll be on my way.
PT: Hah, whats with you man. You're all like, gay, or something.
Justin: (sighs) I know. It's my self-defense mechcanishm. If I act like I have a family to find food for, it keeps me alive. It's all in this book I read about psychology. Well, I only read the first part, until I realized it wasn't Hentai, then I went to my computer...
PT: Hey, want some silly string? Or something....
PT proceeds to shoot the silly string in Justins face. Justin tries to block it, but it hits directly in the nose and eyes. Justin starts rolling around screaming.
Justin: AHHHHHHHH! I'm allergic to Silly String! I can't breath! AHHHHHHH! Get it off! Get it off! Get it off!
Justin starts hyperventilating as he gets back on his feet. He suddenly grabs his chest, and falls to the ground.
PT: Hey Flec, I think I just killed Justin, or something.
Reflecto is climbing up the stairs with a spit fire grill. He then drops it when he sees Justin lay dead on the ground.
Flec: You just killed Justin!
PT: Or something.
Flec: Shit, I bring up this grill so we could find some fish for food, then you go and kill Justin.....
Reflecto suddenly looks at PT, who was already starting at him.
Flec: Are you thinking what i'm thinking?
PT takes another quick wiff of the silly string, then answers.
PT: I think so Brain, but how can we force every person in the world to wear brown socks in the summer?
Reflecto ignores PT and goes towards Justins corpse. Reflecto seems to have an idea.
Jobes is walking around aimlessely in the woods. He hasn't had the best luck of them all so far.
Jobes: I can do this. I can do this. I can do this.
Jobes seemingly needing words to continue his journey, he soon stumbles upon Prodo's dropped supply bag. Jobes, not believing his luck, quickly grabs it an investigates.
Jobes: Hmm, water bottles, that seems to be the norm for these bags. And whats to eat. I need some food. These sun-dried tomatoes should be good for now.
Jobes chews on a tomato, and is satisfied for now. He gets up and starts walking. Soon, he see's a small label on the side of the food bag." assorted dried bugs"
Jobes: Son of a....
Stu and Kain are still walking and talking. They seem to have formed an uncommon bond. With Stu more of a movie guy, and Kain who knows his music well. They soon come upon a broken staple gun.
Stu: Well, someone wasn't happy with there weapon.
Kain: Whats that up there?
They both run up to the dead body of Heartburn.
Stu: Shit, someone got to him already. Kain, go check to see of his bag some where around here.
Stu turns and notices Kain has suddenly dissappeared.
Stu: (a little shake in his voice) Kain?
Suddenly, a staf is whacked in the back of his head. Stu falls to the ground ,and sees Repo with the staf.
Stu: What did you do with Hadley, Repo.
Repo: Check the tree behind you.
Stu quickly turns, and sees his former friend stabbed with a scythe. The scythe went right through him, and through the tree.
Stu: Bastard. How could you?
Repo: How could I? It's the damn game "Imbord", kill to survive. Simple as that.
Stu: So, you won't mind if I just get out my weapon then.
Repo quickly runs over and kicks the Uzi from Stu's hand.
Repo: Fool. You have brought your death weapo nupon your self. Time to be released, Stewart!
Stu: I HATE that name!
Stu charges Repo, but Repo just sticks the Uzi into Stu's chest.
Repo: C'mon, swing. I'll pull the trigger so fast you won't ever know that 30 bullets just ripped your aorta to shreds.
Stu is about to be shot, when suddenly he hears a voice:
"SNOOCH TO THE NOOCH!"
Another man jumps down and quickly slices Repo' torso in two. Than 4, than 8, then 16, then some other multiple of four.
Stu: (shocked) Wow, thanks Shang0!
Shang0: Everybody gets one!
Shang0 quickly jumps off back into the forest. Stu grabs the supplies from Hadleys and Repos bags and stuffs them in his bag. He then walks off, but not before grabbing the Scythe and the gutair.
PT and Reflecto are sitting in the middle of the small village. They seem to be enjoying a nice cooked meal from the animal roasting on the spit fire grill Flec found.
Flec: Mmm, human doesn't taste that bad when your starving for food.
PT: Especially when they've fattened them selves up so much it could feed an army.
The grill has a large body hogtied to itself. They continue to converse and eat, when another body walks up to the grill.
Man: lol, your hilarious
PT: Um, he didn't say anything funny.
Flec: Oh, your Doink aren't you?
PT: Ok, so now we've got 3, want some Justin meat?
Doink: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Your too funny!
PT: Um i'm not kidding. This is real Justin meat.
Flec: Yep, freshly killed.
Doink: Great post man
Flec: What weapon did you get Doink?
Doink: Slingshot. lol
Flec: Good, so now i can shoot you with out worry.
Doink : Oh I get it, like when you say something retarded, and then you type *shot*, cause you know it was really retar......
Doink is then suddenly injected with 50 bulltes, and lies face first into the fire.
PT: That's it, More meat, for the other meat eaters!
Flec: Denis Leary kicks ass.
Smacky finally gets mentioned in the story, and has a fire ax. Unfortunatly, his adventures have been so boring, that they have't been worth typing. But, he's still existing. Um, that's it.
Joey also has been ignored, but actually has an event. He is walking in the forest as well, and eventually meets up with Stephen, who is dehydrated from his diarehhea attack earlier.
Joey: Stephen? Shit, what happened?
Stephen: Exactly. Shit happened.
Joey: Bad luck huh?
Stephen: No, damn it. SHIT. Frosted Bran Squares.
Joey: Oh, shit.
Stephen: Wow, the flan jokes in Envy are better than this.
Joey: Anyway, has anything else been happening?
Stephen: Well, I had a sheild, but Scott took it. And i've been stuck ever since from the food. I need water.
Joey: Here, have some of my water.
Stephen takes a drink from the bottle. He then chuggs it all down.
Joey: Thats ok, I've got a few more.
Stephen: Thanks man. You know, your not as much of a prick as everyone says you are. Your actually normal.
Joey: Yeah, I know. Well, I better be getting along then.
Stephen: Ok, I'll see you later. And I shall remember your kindness. I owe you one.
Joey: Um ok, bye.
Joey waves and walks off, as Stephen slowly gets up and starts walking another way.
PapaShang0 has found Gris, getting a quick nap along his 4x4 weapon.
Shang0: Gris? Gris wake up man! Someones coming.
Gris: what? Who's coming.
Shang0: I don't know, but I hear it. GET DOWN!
Shang0 and Gris hide by a tree, as ThomasServeaux walks by. He has a Dueling Foil, like from fencing. He seemed to be ready to fight someone.
Shang0: Good, he didn't see us. I'm glad I found you though.
Gris: Yeah man. We could easily do this. I mean, were the oldest ones here. With mine being age, and your being senority, were easily the veterans. We have the experince.
Shang0: Then it's on. Team Oldies is formed.
Suddenly, the handshake formed by Gris and Shang0 is broken by a kick from Servo.
Servo: Nice hiding spot. I'm saying that of course since it was such a horrible spot, and you worsened it by talking. I'm SO much better than you since I named my self after a MST3K character. I'm god. And shall make fun of every thing you say, because it makes me feel all witty when i'm a total asshole.
Shang0: Screw this. Lets fight bitch.
Servo: Wow, I didn't expect to have to actually prove myself. I usually scare people away by acting like a total prick.
Shang0 suddenly lunges for Servo, and the Katana and the Foil clash again and again. Shang0 and Servo are having an old fashioned duel.
Servo: Wow, you're actually pretty good.
Shang0: Oh my god( They both stop) You actually said something positive!
Servo: I meant to say good enoguh to suck me! HA! I love it when I trick people into thinking I'll actually say something non-mean. Then trick them with a snappy comeback. It SO compensates for my small dick!
They continue to fight as Gris watchs from behind the tree.
Prodo is walking around with a flamethrower and a bleeding shoulder wound. The once happy man seems to have come back to earth, since he was stabbed by Shiori's icepick.
Prodo: I need some Zima.
Prodo continues to plod around the forest. He now realizes that he has to act normal. He has to think stragetically, or he dies. He's starting to get angry now. As he walks, he doesn't notice the little kid hiding in the tree above him.
Scott: (in slow whispers)Ok, Scott. All you need to do is wrap this thing around his neck long enough to grab the flame thrower and run. Don't kill him. Here he comes. I'm ready. I'm ready.
Scott leaps from the tree, Metal Slinky in hand. He flies directly onto Prodo, as the slinky connects, twisting around his neck. Scott starts pulling on the slinky. hoping Prodo will let go of the flame thrower llong enough to grab the slinky, so Scott could steal Prodo's weapon. Unfortunatly, Prodo wont let go. He eventually grabs Scott, and throws him over his shoulder, right infront of the flamer thrower. Scott is staring right down the barrel of the thrower. Prodo goes to turn it on, but Scott ducks just in time, and whacks Prodo in the nuts, an old trick he learned on the playground. Prodo fall's to the ground, and finnally let go of the thrower. Scott goes for it, but suddenly a frying pan whacks him in the back. Brusier repeatedly beats on Scott with the pan, until Prodo gets back up, thanks him, and walks off. Prodo leaves the slinky in Scotts hand. Scott is knocked out by the 10th whack.
Nick: Take that, Mrs. Frankengurtner! I CAN USE A FRYING PAN CORRECTLY!
Nick runs back into the forest, with memories of his evil Home Ec teacher.
3LK:British Invasion found the village, and went in a house for supplies. In there, Trollface and Shiori brawled in the house, and fell into the basement, where Shiori almost killed Trolly. Barbie saved Trolly after throwing his boomerang at Shiori, thus knocking him out. They decided to sleep upstairs, after locking Shiori in the basement.
Shang0 and Servo continued to have the duel. Gris shoved Servo off a cliff, into a waterfall. But, Servo survived and they ended up on a small rock face right above the jagged rocks below.
Jobes stumbled across Scotts body. He attempted to steal Scotts slinky, but Scott suddenly awoke and kicked Jobes in the nuts, and got his slinky back.
Lox and Jedi found a small party with island guards, They destroyed the small camp party, and just got away, leaving Warren and his two friends. Lox dropped his lazer gun during the fight, and wasn't able to retrieve it.
I'll do a better one soon.
Note: I lied
Darkness has fallen on the island of Wali Ken. The remaining "Pawns" have either been looking or have already found places to spend the night.
PT and Reflecto took up residence in the deli, where they have stored the remaining Justin meat in the freezer. PT thought it would be funny if he labeled the frezzer door "Charred Justin, $5.99 lbs.", but Flec wanted to make sure that no one knew the placed had residence.
PT: So, what do we do now?
Flec: I'd say sleep. But, someone has to keep watch. I have the Tommy Gun, so i'll keep watch for now, after a few hours we'll switch. Cool?
PT then lies underneith the cash register desk, and soon sleeps. Flec on the other hand, can't sleep.
Flec: Even if PT started first, I still couldn't sleep. This is too much. Look at me, i'm even talking to myself. This is worthless. I'm gonna die. Staying in one spot wont work. I can't just sit here, knowing my killer is somewhere.
Suddenly, Flec hears a small rustling about 30 feet in front of him. They weren't given flashlights, and the island has no lights, so it's almost dead dark, save for the 1-quarters moon lighting the island.
Flec: Aw shit, what do I do. If I shoot, everyone around will know i'm here and will kill me quickly. If I don't, what ever made that noise is gonna kill me. What to do?
Flec runs quietly over to wear the sound is coming from. He starts beating down on whatever is is when he is sure that that he is above it. He then grabs the body and pulls it up to the moon light.
Flec: What tha.... Fucking RABBIT!
Flec throws the beaten rabbit into a tree, and returns to his base.
Meanwhile,down the street, Barbie, Trolly, and Guv have since found a bed room, and have each taken a bed. They are glad to see the sun go down, after a tough day.
Also, Shiori is still in the basement, knocked out from Barbies boomerang throw earlier. He starts to stir.
Shiori: What the hell happened? I was fighting and now suddenly i'm alone in this place. I can't even see my own hand in front of my face. I could easily fall on something leathal. Mabye it's just better if I sit here till morning.
Most of the island is thinking the same thing.
Stef, ever since seeing Jared head lopped off, hasn't been feeling well. She's been coughing, even once so violent enough to emit blood, and feeling light-headed, among other things. She fears that she's caught some sort of forest virus. She hopes that sleeping may cure her. She doesn't have to wryy much about protecting her self, since she's still got the Colt .45. She rests next to a rock, and tries to sleep, but her constant nose sniffing and wiping makes it undoable.
Jedi and Lox have since last time maken it back to there cave hide-out.
Jedi: You're such a fucking dolt! I said "NO LOX , LETS LEAVE THE BIG MEN WITH HUGE FUCKING GUNS ALONE!", but NO!!!! You just HAD to have fun and invade there party. You're lucky you still have your lazer gun.
Lox: Um yeah, about that...
Jedi: Don't say you fucking lost it!
Jedi: GRRRRR! Look, are you fucking with me, or did you really lose it?
Lox: But you told me not to say.
Jedi: You're ALLOWED to NOW!
Lox: Ok, I lost the gun.
Suddenly, they hear footsteps nearing the their base.
Lox: I didn't say anything.
Jedi: (loud whispers through the teeth) SHUT UP!
The man walks into the cave.
Jedi: Stay the hell away man.(Jedi pulls out and turns on his lightsaber) I'll fucking slice you man!
Warren: Hey calm down man. Look, I don't know why you invaded our little party, and killed most of us. But still, you DID kick some ass. Here(Warren hands Lox his lazer gun)You dropped this on the way out.
Lox: You got my gun back! ...... but why? Aren't you supposed to kill us? Or atleast not help us?
Warren: Yeah, I know. But you see, my wife just left me and stole my kid.
Warren: Yeah, so now I just don't care about my job, or my life for that matter.
Lox: Here, i'll help you(Lox readies his gun at Warrens head)
Jedi: Stop it dumbass. We could have an insider working for us. He could get us in to the headquarters, and stop this whole thing!
Lox: Dude! For once you're actually right!(Jedi gives a little eye twinge at this comment) Will you join our team, Mr. Guard.
Warren contempletes this. Although he had never realy known these young men, they WERe the enemy. And joining would be sure and pure treason. But then, he then thinks" Hey, what else do I have to lose?".
Warren: Fine, i'll help you out! My names Warren by the way.
Lox: Sweet. Now, let us sleep. We'll think of something tommorow. Right Jedi?
Jedi: Uh(Jedi is a bit confused by Lox's sudden leadership words) Yeah, sleep. See you tommorow dude.
Warren walks out of the cave, and back to the former party spot, where his own friends sleep.
Warren slowly walks back to the base of the once-party. He knows that helping anyone of the contestants could easily mean death, or even worse, fired. His mind is in shambles. When he walks back, he notices both his friends are awake again.
Warren: Hey guys, why are you up?
Friend one: Dude, THEY saw what you did.
Friend two: Ya know, THEY?
Warren: Whatever. Wait, what'd I do?
Friend one: You helped the other people. And now we were given orders to kill you.
Warren sighed. He didn't really care anymore. So what if he was dead. Who cared?
Friend two: Good-night, Warren.
Warren closes his eyes, and prays to god shortly before bing shot in the head.
I stopped here unfortunatly. Circumstances in IRL with me and of a undebuted character stopped me from finishing. I have my notes on how it was supposed to end, but I probably wont post them unless there really wanted.
08-13-2008, 05:22 PM
MAJOR POST DIGGING:
Here's my abridged ending to NEO Battle Royal by the way.
Prodo/Shiori/Joey/Stephen: It starts off with Stephen being chased by an even more crazed and injured Prodo. A sleeping Joey is awakened by the scuffle. He fights off Prodo with his energy ball, but it is soon knocked away as Joey trips and drops the ball off a cliff.
Prodo has Joey and Steph on the run. They soon find the house currently occupied by 3LK: British Invasion. Joey and Stephen quickly run in and into the basement, where Shiori has been sitting silently, waiting for hours for morning light to help his escape. Unfortunately, he wouldn't see morning again.
Meanwhile, Prodo runs into the house, but he runs upstairs, right to the room where Barbie, Trolly, and Guv are sleeping. They all 3 quickly wake up and pull out there weapons. They get up and chase Prodo out of the room. Prodo turns the flamethrower back on, and almost turns Guv into a London broil (Hey, it worked in it's original context). They soon are all outside of the house. A battle ensues for awhile, until Prodo retreats back into the house. 3LK are about to follow when suddenly the house explodes in a giant fireball. Everyone inside, Prodo, Shiori, Stephen, and Joey are all vaporized. It is soon revealed that a tired and unlucky Jobes
tripped over a rock, jarring his bazooka, thus shooting one off. The bazooka made a perfect shot into the basement, where it hit a main gas line, thus evaporating the house. 3LK decide to quickly flee into the night. They luckily didn't run in the direction of Reflecto, who was patiently waiting for his shift of watch at the deli.
Reflecto/ PT Midnite: When it became PT's turn to stand guard, he and Flec started talking. It soon became a loud argument, with both men forgetting about being discreet.
This is where TRAVIS makes his story debut! He suddenly runs in and stabs PT in the back with his bowie knife. Before Reflecto even knows what's going on, Trav grabs him and DDT's him onto the knife that is now protruding from PT's chest. Trav grabs the knife, stabs both again to make sure there dead, and runs off into the night.
Gris/Shang0/Servo: Simply put, Shang0 eventually won the fight, slicing off Servos left hand, before kicking him into the waterfall, into the jagged rocks below. Shang0 and Gris go on with their journey.
AM/Smacky: Eventually, Smacky and AM met, and had one of the longer battles in the story. Eventually, Smacky was able to toss AM into the acidic lake that Jobes had trouble with before. Unfortunately for Smacky, he was shoved in by a passing Stu, who really had an uneventful part in the story for awhile.
Nick Bruiser/Jobes: Eventually, Jobes met up with both Baribe and Nick. Barbie and Jobes had a little bit of an old school banter session. Soon Barbie left, deciding that Jobes just wasn't worth any more.
Distraught, Jobes started going crazy. He had 3 bazooka shots at the start. One was used to blow up a house. He shot off a second one right after Barbie left out of anger. He only had one left, until Nick walked by.
Nick suddenly thought he was in a baseball game. He grabs his frying pan like a bat, and starts naming off a baseball day dream scenario that resembled a mix of The Sandlot at The Matrix. Eventually, Jobes just says fuck it and shoots his last rocket. Nick swings......
And somehow reflects the rocket back to Jobes! Jobes can only stare and swear as the rocket connects and shoots Jobes teeth, and the rest of his head, in various pieces around the forest. Nick just screams "Home Run!" as he runs around the invisible bases as if he was in The Natural. Nick soon acts as if he's going after a fly ball, and jumps off a cliff to his doom.
The Revolt: Around the last hours, a plan of revolt happened. In a clearing, Stu, Shang0,Gris, Lox, and Jedi all met up. Stu, ever the legend, decides they should team, and try to over throw this dictatorship, and let everyone live. They ambush a coming party of trucks, kill the drivers, and find some supplies. Most importantly, maps of the island! They soon find the important buildings. Stu hatches a plan. If they can crash the 3 trucks they just found into the buildings, maybe this whole thing could be ended.
Gris goes to building 1 by him self. The other 4 watch from a nearby cliff as Gris successfully crashes the truck and blows up the building. Gris starts celebrating, and screaming everywhere. Gris, who was told by Stu the building controlled the dog collars, took off his collar in triumph. But Stu made a bad guess. Gris's collar exploded, taking Gris with it.
Jedi and Lox were then told to attack another building, but this time to friggen leave the collars on.
After crashing the truck into the second building, Lox and Jedi stare at the burning building. Lox slowly creeps behind Jedi, grabs his light saber, and lops off Jedi's head. Lox runs back to the clearing, where Stu and Shang0 are waiting. Lox tells them that Jedi attempted to turn on him, so Lox had no choice but to kill Jedi.
Stu and Shang0 understand and go off to destroy another building. Lox quickly flees into the forest.
Travis and Colton eventually meet up, and are elated to find each other. Travis can't stand to see his younger brother in such agony and fear, so he decides the best thing to do would be to just kill him right then and there. Before he can, Barbie jumps in and tells him he shall do no such thing.
An ill Stef soon meets up with the group, along with the other two members of 3LK: BI.
An hour later, as the group walks. Barbie says he hears something in the distance. He tells Trolly and Guv to search behind the group 30 paces, while Barbie runs to the left of the group. Soon, Colton is planted into a tree by a spear. In a fit of rage Travis runs into the woods to meet the killer. It is of course Barbie, who just stands there. Travis screams about his family and the love for his brother, and how things have gone all wrong.
( Partially why I never finished the story was because of everything that happened with Travis's dad, I couldn't really stand to write about him killing other people, or his brother dying)
Travis readies his knife to throw at Barbie, but Stef shoots it out of his hand. Before he can start berating Stef, Barbie runs over and tackles Travis. They roll on the ground, beating each other senseless. Travis is on top soon enough, and starts bashing in Barbie's face. Out of nowhere, a knife suddenly protrudes from Travis's gut. He falls over. Stef stands behind where he once sat, continuously crying.
Baribe tells her he made the right decision, and they both walk off. But then Guv and Trolly run back since they found nothing in their search, but before they can say a word, Barbie shoots Trolly.
Guv: I knew it! I knew you would stab us in the back.!
Barbie: First of all, this a GUN! They shoot, not stab.
* Guv is shot in the chest, but not fatally*
Barbie: And I'm pretty sure that was your front, not the back! Ha, I'm so witty when I'm a cold-blooded murderer!
* Bullet in the cranium*
Stef cries in shock. They soon walk off.
That night, they find a treehouse and take refuge. Stef's illness is getting worse, and she becomes too weak to stand. Barbie comforts her in one of the most non-violent but important scenes. Soon, Stef lies still, and stops breathing. Barbie swears he will get who ever did this. He takes her Colt .45 and pockets it. He then places Travis's bloody bowie knife in her hands and places it on her chest. He leaves the tree house to return to the building where this whole mess started.
Meanwhile, Travis is still alive, but doesn't wish to be. He finds a high cliff and looks down. The morning sun is creeping over the horizon. This reveals jagged rocks below. He decides his life is over anyway, but the sun will shine light on a new day for someone else. He takes the plunge.
Barbie, with Colt in tow, is walking and searching. He finds a clearing. Along with him is Stu and Lox, who also enter the clearing around the same time. Scott reaches it too, but he stays behind.
Shang0 was earlier killed by a guard who he and Stu had tried to ambush, but was smart enough to realize he was being followed. The guard was then killed by Stu, who still had the bag of different weapons.
Lox and Barbie duck as they enter because Stu has started firing off his gun again. The gun soon clicks. He finally ran out of ammo. ( in the real story he spent plenty of downtime shooting random spots, to distract other players from going near him, unfortunately this was his downfall. Barbie was able to shoot and arrow stolen from Guv straight into Stus neck, soon killing him.
Lox then pulls out Jedi's saber and starts swinging away. As Barbie ducks, Scott quickly runs over to Stu's corpse and yanks out the arrow. He then runs over to the fight and stabs Lox in the wrist, causing him to drop the saber. Lox screams in pain as Scott grabs a rock and bashes in Lox's head until he dies.
Scott picks up the saber, now that he's made his first kill, he's ready to attack again, but he is unable to turn it on. He then looks into the handle. Barbie grabs the boys wrists and smashes the handle into Scotts forehead. He then quickly turns it on, impaling Scotts skull.
Barbie then runs to the main building, but not before finding the guard that Stu killed and finding a key to unto his collar, making him invisible to the Powers That Be's computers.
He easily makes it in and finds the main room. Who's behind all this?
Barbie then watches as 3 men on the screen celebrate they they bet correctly. I tell Barbie that he made 3 people happy with his ruthless killing, but they wouldn't get to enjoy it. A blinding white flash hits the screen. When the flash dies down, the room is bare. Barbie asks why.
" Money. It's that simple. You were easy to find. IP address aren't hard to decipher. I then found some millionaires looking for bloodlust. Funny how plentiful they were. And how much they were willing to spend!"
Barbie tells me that he doesn't really care now. I forced him to kill all his friends for nothing. He holds a gun to my head and demands I send him home.
:"But you haven't won! There is still one left!"
Before Barbie can ask who, a knife is suddenly sticking out of his abdomen. the knife turns sideways, then moves up, and makes a T-shape on his body. Barbie turns around to find Stef. Barbie soon keels over. As this goes on, I grab my briefcase of money and run. I am never found.
"And like that, he's gone."
Stef searches the building and soon finds a jet with a pilot. It was my spare, that was commanded to fly the winner back home. As she takes her ride home, she is unable to really think. She just wants to get home, and hopefully wake up.
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