Dark Castle

[Melf]

Today is Sega-16's one-year anniversary! To celebrate, we've got a review for one of the worst games ever put to silicon. Electronic Arts' Dark Castle is one putrid little turd of a game, but we still have to review it. Maybe we'll get Shining in the Darkness next year!

[Anonymous]

Finally someone posted a bad review on something =)

I thought we were getting a little fanboyish =)

[Melf]

Even the bad ones need reviewing! Many people tend to choose games they love for reviews, but the nasties need some attention too. Think of it as a public service.

[tim333]

Hey, your website prevented me from getting Heavy Nova, Awesome Possum, and Sword of Vermillion. It's doing its job.

[Genesis Knight]

I don't get the anti-Vermillion vibes. You could do far worse.

But yeah, it's nice to see a 1 game after all those 8, 9, and 10 ones. Leave it to D. Wilson!

[VinnyT]

Heh...

[Dartagnan1083]

I had a Dark Castle Demo on my comp awiile back.
Didn't seem too bad back then, but of course, I had more than 3 buttons to work with and could aim with the mouse.

But even then, it wasn't anything worth spending money on.

[Genesis Knight]

And it's not even worth playing if someone *pays* you to play it.

[Zebbe]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tB2_...e=user&search=

Just started watching these videos... Then all of a sudden, I hear the Dark Castle track! The game has actually gotten EVEN worse today IMO. It's only track is stolen. Whoever finds out who wrote the track gets a golden star in my book.

[VinnyT]

I have no idea where my first post came from.

[Iron Lizard]

I had that horrible game on my mac years ago. It was horrible black and white and all. The sound was great for the time though.

[ary incorparated]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_tB2_...e=user&search=

Just started watching these videos... Then all of a sudden, I hear the Dark Castle track! The game has actually gotten EVEN worse today IMO. It's only track is stolen. Whoever finds out who wrote the track gets a golden star in my book.

I dont know ludwig von beethoven Bach,atleast the origenal.

[Kollision]

Hey, your website prevented me from getting Heavy Nova, Awesome Possum, and Sword of Vermillion. It's doing its job.

(Just a small parenthesis here)
I just love Heavy Nova.
It's a pity you won't give it a chance, my friend...

[buzz_clik]

I had that horrible game on my mac years ago. It was horrible black and white and all. The sound was great for the time though.

See I used to play Dark Castle on the Mac with its tiny built-in B&W screen, taking it in turns with mates. We loved it back then. It had mouse control, which probably helped a little. It also had, as Iron Lizard mentioned, some great sound. So, my fond remembrance of that experience makes me wonder every now and then whether I should grab it for the Megadrive anyway...

Yes, I'm aware that it's probably going to be terrible and tarnish the memory of the Mac version I played as a lad. But then the reasons I want to grab it kinda outweigh that (although not enough for me to have purchased it yet).

Firstly, I want every game I can lay my greedy digits on, whether it be rare or common, good or bad, playable or otherwise. I just want another plastic case sitting in my game drawers (and no, 'game drawers' are not pants I wear while I'm playing).

Secondly, I want to make my own mind up about it. I mean, I'm assuming that so many voices of disgust can't be wrong, but I'd still like to say definitively that I do not like this game. I'd like it to be my opinion coming out of my mouth about how dire it is. I'd like to know my enemy.

Third, I just like bad things. I have many hobbies outside of gaming. One of them is a love of movies. Now, I'm pretty sure I don't have the worst taste in flicks. I think the Coen brothers are awesome, despite slipping with recent releases, with Barton Fink still being one of my fave films. I think Terry Gilliam's Brazil is still an amazing depiction of a dystopian world, with the comedy being both pitch-black and pitched perfectly.

And yet, I still watch things like Uwe Boll's Alone In The Dark. That film was brilliant fun to watch because it was so desperately awful. And therein lay the entertainment: I like to be a part of things that are bad because they're bad.

So, all that being said, I'm sure Dark Castle will eventually end up in my collection. Don't get me wrong, I'm not itching to get it at all - there are so many other games I wanna get first. But one day, that allegedly evil cart will no doubt rub cases with my other games.

[Kikoskia]

I got Dark Castle KNOWING it was bad. I guess I'm pro-torture! Nice to know I'm not the only one that likes to punish myself with bad games every now and again. It makes me appreciate the GOOD games more.